Part 3: Excavating Societal Lies
This is the third piece of a seven-part series on excavating our lived experiences.
Many tender souls are often too weak to reject inflexible societal boundaries and find themselves conforming to patterns of inauthentic thoughts and behaviors. It is here, dear reader, where the great work of Excavating Societal Lies will begin!
Mesa at Big Bend National Park; Texas USA
Introduction
This is the third of a seven-part series on excavating our lived experiences. If you have not done so already, I suggest you first read Finding Foundation - The Lies I Tell Myself to get an overview of the work of excavating.
For those new to the Finding Foundations series, it may be helpful to review the following excerpt. For those who are following the series in chronological order, scroll down to the next paragraph to begin Part 3: Excavating Societal Lies.
As laid out in the previous posts, we often are a sum of our lived experiences. Lived experiences are like layers of memories piled upon the foundation of who we are. Lived experiences and our memories of them have the potential to reconfirm our identity, or they have the potential to redefine our identity, burying who we are under layers of lies. We will excavate through the layers in chronological order, starting with the first movements of self-persception: My Inheritance. I recommend you set aside a journal or other writing space (perhaps naming it Finding Foundation Journal) so that you can record your thoughts as they arise, no matter what the revelations expose. As memories are unearthed, prayerfully discern whether the memory and the emotions attached to it resonate with your core, or bring discord and dis-ease to your soul. Resonating memories may point to a truth to who you are, unearthing a piece of your foundation, while memories that lack peace may indicate a lie that has settled upon your soul, clouding your foundation.
Part 3: Excavating Societal Lies
The maturation process of a human being encapsulates body, mind and soul - three parts of the person that all experience growth through exploratory means. The Holy Spirit of Creation embedded curiosity, creativity and community into the human experience and uses these means to help mature a soul. The community of our family unit was intended to give each person a safe space to be curious and co-create with the Spirit so that self-knowledge may blossom to give birth to vocation; however, as we already exposed in Part 2: Excavating My Familial Bonds, dirt, grim and debris will often cloud our experience of family, giving us an unclear lens from which to view the world. So, we must acknowledge that false perceptions and inauthentic expectations travel with us as we venture forth to find our place within the greater human family called society.
Our first experience of society is often in a day care or pre-school. At the tender post-toddler age, our memories and intellect are just beginning to weave strong enough neural pathways so that we can begin the great work of remembering and building schema. It is here where we also begin to learn the important lessons of who is “the other” and how we can be empathetic to the thoughts, desires and needs of peers, teachers and non-family adults in our lives. It is equally important; however, that as we experience societal expectations that we do not lose a sense of who we are, our value and the gifts which we are destined to bring to the world. In a perfectly balanced experience, the young soul learns the truth of self while also encountering relationship through the other to build a strong foundation of value and vocation. In our fallen world, however, society often builds rigid thought boundaries and unjust structures that dishonor the unique essence of each soul and undermine the value embedded into each person. Many tender souls are often too weak to reject these inflexible societal boundaries and find themselves conforming to patterns of inauthentic thoughts and behaviors. It is here, dear reader, where the great work of Excavating Societal Lies will begin!
Softening the Bonds of Self-Image
List how I want to be perceived at school or in the workplace.
Some examples may be - I want to be perceived as:
- Professional
- Fashionable
- Put Together
- In Control
- Confident
- Efficient
- Successful
- Responsible
- Stress-free
- A good _______(fill in the blank)
- A Leader
- Organized
- Creative
- Innovative
- Cooperative
- Decisive
- A Mediator
- Competent
- Educated
List how I want to be perceived at home.
Some examples may be - I want to be perceived as:
- A good mom, dad, etc.
- A good husband, wife, etc.
- Financially stable
- Attentive
- Dependable
- Orderly
- Organized
- Loyal
- Empathetic
- Caring
- Stress-free (Care-free)
- Living my values
- A good listener
- A good host
- Spontaneous
- An entertainer
- A provider
- Patient
- Joyful
- Gentle
- Loving
List how I want to be perceived in my community.
(with friends, teammates, parishioners and neighbors)
Some examples may be - I want to be perceived as:
- Well-informed
- Educated
- Put together
- Warmhearted
- Empathetic
- Sociable
- Athletic/Active
- Adaptable
- Genuine
- Inspiring
- Traditional
- Progressive
- Conscientious
- Organized
- An Entertainer/Entertaining
- Loyal
- Well-Spoken
- Outspoken
- Ingenious
- Accepting
- Spontaneous
- Friendly
- Funny
- Idealistic
- Original
These lists are not comprehensive. Individuals will have their own unique words/phrases. These lists are just to get you started! Go to Myers & Brigg’s Foundation to find out more information on Myers & Briggs Personality Types.
Big Bend National Park; Texas, USA
For the next step, carefully reread through your list and pause to ask yourself this question with each recorded word or phrase:
Does this word or phrase about who I am speak peace to my soul or is it something that only society values?
If the word or phrase brings peace and reverberates truth about who you are before the Eyes of God, keep it and circle it. Repeat this process for each word/phrase on your list.
Next, go through the values you have circled and ask yourself this follow-up question:
Does this word or phrase about who I am speak peace to my soul or is it a skill I have learned to help me navigate my career, home life or social life?
If the word or phrase brings peace and reverberates truth about who you are before the Eyes of God, keep it circled. If the word or phrase is merely a skill you have obtained to better function in society, have the courage to cross it off, as the skill, no matter how useful and good it may be, is not truth.
For example: Over the years I have learned that the more organized I am the less stress I have at work, at home and when engaging in community activities. A stress-free life is not one that necessarily brings peace to the soul. Yes, it helps systems run more smoothly and helps me to be more attentive in the present moment, therefore it is good; however, in the core of my being I know that the Holy Spirit of Creation did not make me an organizer, this is just a skill I have developed.
Big Bend National Park; Texas, USA
Next, look back through the list and notice those words or phrases which were circled. These now become your Core Values of Self-Image. It is good to sit with your Core Values of Self-Image in quiet solitude to see what the Holy Spirit of Creation wants to further reveal to you. It is worthwhile to write down any new insights or ponderings that may come from this moment of recollection.
____
If you have already engaged with Part 2: Excavating My Familial Bonds, compare your Core Values of Self-Image with those you named as your Core Values of Esteem from Part 2.
Do you notice any words/phrases that appear in both your Core Values of Esteem and Core Values of Self-Image lists?
If so, pay particular attention to these, as they most likely speak a truth about your foundation. You may want to isolate the repeated values or highlight them in some way. Those words/phrases which did not appear on both lists still hold tremendous value and they should be kept and cherished as they will help bring even more clarity and truth to the next step of finding foundation: excavating the pillar of vocation.
Dear Excavator,
May the process of unearthing societal lies bring you peace and give new life to the child born in the Crucible of Creation many years ago. You were made for greatness and have been given a most extraordinary inheritance through the Father of Creation. May you stand on a strong Pillar of Value as you ponder the tremendous gift you are to the world. You, most treasured soul, are unique and equally valuable to God and to your human community. Your presence is a gift and one that we all cherish!
Yours Truly,
Michelle
