Part 6: Excavating My Fears

This is the sixth piece of a seven-part series on excavating our lived experiences.

To bring our task of excavation to completeness, we must notice our tendencies of seeking the material over the eternal. Each day we make choices. Some choices honor our eternal inheritance while others consider only the preservation of the body without consideration of the soul. We must cast out tendencies towards self-preservation and self-indulgence and make the better choice, the one that reverberates through eternity.

Window; Skellig Michael, Ireland

Introduction
This is the sixth of a seven-part series on excavating our lived experiences. If you have not done so already, I suggest you first read Finding Foundation - The Lies I Tell Myself to get an overview of the work of excavating.

For those new to the Finding Foundations series, it may be helpful to review the following excerpt. For those who are following the series in chronological order, scroll down to the next paragraph to begin Part 5: Excavating My Desires.

As laid out in the previous posts, we often are a sum of our lived experiences. Lived experiences are like layers of memories piled upon the foundation of who we are. Lived experiences and our memories of them have the potential to reconfirm our identity, or they have the potential to redefine our identity, burying who we are under layers of lies. We will excavate through the layers in chronological order, starting with the first movements of self-persception: My Inheritance. I recommend you set aside a journal or other writing space (perhaps naming it Finding Foundation Journal)  so that you can record your thoughts as they arise, no matter what the revelations expose. As memories are unearthed, prayerfully discern whether the memory and the emotions attached to it resonate with your core, or bring discord and dis-ease to your soul. Resonating memories may point to a truth to who you are, unearthing a piece of your foundation, while memories that lack peace may indicate a lie that has settled upon your soul, clouding your foundation. 

Part 6: Excavating My Fears

The great work of ‘Finding Foundation’ becomes an exposition of life. Life layers reveal the story of a soul as memories, emotions, perceptions, desires and beliefs are exposed, perhaps for the first time. This exposure lifts the burden of unknowing as light descends upon that which has been held captive to reveal the truth of who we are before the eyes of God. This truth washes over us to bring freedom, peace and surety, as we bask in the Radiance of the Sun to fortify our inner sanctuary on the pillars of value and vocation. In these first movements the soul is refreshed and rejuvenated as it sits and ponders the realities that were once hidden; however, in the bright light of Truth, other, more subtle attachments begin to emerge and we are called to dig deeper still.

Firmly standing on the foundational pillars of value and vocation, the refreshing freedom once felt may quickly fade as feelings of shame and unworthiness wash over the newly exposed revelations. Feelings of dis-ease become the beacon to shine light upon the remaining debris covering our glorious foundation, our core fears. Fear is the opposite of trust and the enemy of the light, as fear seeks to create stagnation, shame and scorn. Rejoice, Dear Reader, in this revelation, as the Four Winds of the Spirit come to heal us from our fears and inordinate attachments, our loves. 

The Four Winds of the Spirit (officially known as the Four Cardinal Virtues)

• The Wind of Temperance brings forth the Gift of Choice. 

• The Wind of Justice brings forth the Gift of Perspective  

• The  Wind of Prudence brings forth the Gift of Presence

• The Wind of Fortitude brings forth the Gift of Surety     

In Part 6: Excavating My Fears we will explore the first two Winds (Temperance and Justice) to learn how to purify our choices and our perspective, and in Part 7: Excavating My Loves we will explore the final two Winds (Prudence and Fortitude). 

Often our core fears arise from our naturalistic nature, the part of our existence that seeks solace in the sensory world experienced through the body and understood through the mind. Fears arise when the body dominates our perspective and we tend towards self-preservation and self-indulgence. Our glorious creation; however, is body, mind and soul, a complex and triune reality living in relationship with one another. When body and soul are in balance, our mind is able to receive the Great Gifts of the Spirit and the Four Winds propels our earthly vessel towards greater faith, hope and love. The work of the Spirit reveals the Truth of our creation - that we are made for our Creator and are destined to live with Him eternally. We are eternal! 

To bring our task of excavation to completeness, we must notice our tendencies of seeking the material over the eternal. Each day we make choices. Some choices honor our eternal inheritance while others consider only the preservation of the body without consideration of the soul. This is why the Wind of Temperance comes to give us the Gift of Choice. We must cast out tendencies towards self-preservation and make the better choice, the one that reverberates through eternity. 

Grave site; Skellig Michael, Ireland

Temperance: The Gift of Choice

Moving from a posture of scarcity (fear) to a posture of abundance (love)


– Identifying My Core Fears –

Answer the following questions as truthfully as possible.
Silent moments of recollection may be necessary to fully bring forth your truth.

What am I afraid of losing physically? Write it down.


Some examples may be:

I am afraid of losing my:

- Job/Security
- Wealth
- Youth
- Life
- Loved ones
- Ability to provide for my or my family’s basic needs
- Home (perhaps indicating an inordinate fear of natural disasters/accidents)
- Bodily Movement
- Health
- Precious Items (family heirlooms, jewelry, personal library, etc.) 
- Place of worship or a physical sanctuary for me

____

What am I afraid of losing mentally? Write it down.


Some examples may be:

I am afraid of losing my:

- Sanity
- Intelligence
- Choice/Free will
- Status 
- Credibility/Expertise 
- Accolades 
- Ability to change my situation (agency)
- Ability to express myself 
- Ability to effectively communicate
- Ability to dream

- Ability to Learn
(perhaps indicating an inordinate fear of losing access to new ideas & information)

- Ability for Mental Growth 
(perhaps indicating an inordinate fear of losing access to classes & hobbies)

- Social Network 
(perhaps indicating an inordinate fear of losing friends & occasions for social engagement)

____

What am I afraid of losing emotionally? Write it down.


Some examples may be:

I am afraid of losing my:

- Family’s Love
- Friend’s Love
- Independence
- Influence 
- Self-Control
- Conscience/Ability to choose between right and wrong
- Ability to identify evil in the world 
- Trust in others 
- Trust in political/economic systems 
- Love for _____ (list people/things/activities you love)

- Emotional Management
(perhaps indicating an inordinate fear of losing access to therapists, spiritual directors, or engagement in mentally recharging activities)

- Soul
(perhaps indicating an inordinate fear of the devil or presence of evil in the world)

- Trust in persons who have authority
(government, religious pastors, bosses, parents, councils etc.)

____

What core fear(s) drives my life? Write it down.

Many different personality types tend towards certain core fears; however, each person’s essence (body, mind and soul) is unique and you may not find an exact core fear that correlates with your unique personhood. This list is to help inspire you towards your inner truth and is not intended to diagnose your personality type or distract you from excavating fear from your life. 

The fear of:

- Being evil/corrupt or defective drives me
- Being unwanted or unworthy of love drives me
- Being worthless drives me 
- Having no personal significance or identity drives me 
- Being useless, helpless or incapable drives me
- Being without support or guidance drives me
- Pain or being deprived drives me
- Being harmed or controlled by others drives me
- Loss and separation drives me
- Not experiencing life to the fullest drives me
- Not  remembering the past drives me 
- Not connecting with others drives me 
- Not being able to trust myself drives me
- Not making decisions drives me 
- Not being logical drives me 
- Not living in harmony drives me
- Not being perfect drives me 
- Not bringing value drives me

Window; Skellig Michael, Ireland

– Moving from Scarcity to Abundance –

For the next part, we will replace each fear (seeing the world from ‘posture of scarcity’) with a truth that honors your eternal inheritance (seeing the world from a ‘posture of abundance.’) These are just some ideas to get you started. The Wind of Temperance may inspire you by placing additional words of truth and virtues on your heart. If a word/virtue from another list rings true to you, write it down as well.

____

Being evil/corrupt or defective is one of my core fears. 

and/or

Not being perfect is one of my core fears.

Choose to dwell on the truth that you are:

• Good

• Integrous 

• Balanced

• Purity  

____

Being unwanted or unworthy of loveis one of my core fears.

and/or

Not connecting with others is one of my core fears.

Choose to dwell on the truth that you are:

• Loved 

• Generous

• Sincere

• Hope  

____

Being worthless is one of my core fears.

and/or

Not bringing value is one of my core fears.

Choose to dwell on the truth that you are:

• Worthy of all Goodness 

• Inspiring

• Authentic

• Fulfillment 

____

Having no personal significance or identity is one of my core fears.

and/or

Not being able to trust myself is one of my core fears.

Choose to dwell on the truth that you are:

• Significant

• Honest

• Creative

• Beauty 

____

Being useless, helpless or incapable is one of my core fears.

and/or

Not being logical is one of my core fears.

Choose to dwell on the truth that you are:

• Important

• Capable

• Insightful

• Knowing  

____

Being without support or guidance is one of my core fears.

and/or

Not remembering the past is one of my core fears.

Choose to dwell on the truth that you are:

• Safe

• Faithful

• Competent

• Trust 

____

Being in pain or being deprived is one of my core fears. 

and/or

Not experiencing life to the fullest is one of my core fears.

Choose to dwell on the truth that you are:

• Fulfilled

• Zealous

• Gracious

• Joy 

____

Being harmed or controlled by others is one of my core fears.

and/or

Not making decisions is one of my core fears.

Choose to dwell on the truth that you are:

• Strong 

• Merciful

• Honorable

• Truth 

____

Being separated and experiencing loss is one of my core fears.

and/or

Not living in harmony is one of my core fears.

Choose to dwell on the truth that you are:

• Whole

• Present

• Patient

• Rooted in Love

The information to create the above lists is taken from two ‘personality type’ groups: The Enneagram Institute and Myers & Brigg’s Foundation.

It may be helpful to sit with the Spirit of Temperance in your inner cell of recollection to compare your physical, mental and emotional fears to the core fear you identified most with. Notice if there is any correlation between the two, as many times one core fear will often drive a multitude of others. The final step is to find one key virtue/truth (or up to 2-3 virtues/truths) that will drive your choices going forward, moving you from a posture of scarcity and self-preservation to one of abundance and security. The Wind of Temperance gives you Choice and will be with you when the debris of self-preservation falls upon your foundation in the future. Receive the Gift of Choice and stand firm in the presence of your eternal inheritance!

Detail of Ruins; Skellig Michael, Ireland

Justice: The Gift of Perception

Moving from a self-indulgent perspective to an eternal perspective


– Purifying My Perception –

Answer the following questions as truthfully as possible.
Silent moments of recollection may be necessary to fully bring forth your truth.

What bothers me most? Write it down.



Some examples may be:

I most ruminate over: 

- How I compare to others
- How my children compare to their peers
- Whether or not I am fairly paid or justly treated
- How I can maximize my wealth
- The next vacation I will take 
- How my possessions (house, clothes, car) can elevate my status 
- How I will feed and care for my family’s needs
- Injustices in my community, country and in the world 
- The presence of evil 
- Words and actions of certain politicians, corporations and world leaders
- How I can preserve the foundation of my family, church or country 
- Past injuries (world-wide events like COVID-19 or more personal hurts)
- People not understanding their eternal inheritance 
- The purity of my own soul 
- The purity of my family’s souls 
- The wellbeing of my children/family
- How God can let evil things happen
- The misdeeds and/or miscalculations of those who have authority over me 
- Those who have inflicted unkindness & pain toward me or someone I love
- Those who don’t consider my needs and desires
- How to fix problems (personal and societal)
- The emotional needs of others
- My aspirations and goals
- How I can obtain ____ 
- The lack of peace in my life, my community or the world 
- The past (good or bad happenings in the past)
- The future (what if?...)
- Cultural and/or sexual expressions found in fashion, literature, arts & cinema 

If you have written down multiple ‘bothers’ notice if there is a common theme rooted across each one and name this theme as your ‘bother.’ If no theme is apparent, try to choose just one ‘bother’ for now to work through the following reflective pieces, perhaps focusing on the ‘bother’ that most closely reflects an aspect of your core fear.

Is this ‘bother’ rooted from within myself?
From the influence of others?
From worldly influences?

Ask the Wind of Justice to reveal your truth.
Write down any insights received. 

____

Growth in the unexpected; Skellig Michael, Ireland

How can I use the energy from that which bothers me most to engage in the world in a more just way?


To uncover the energy of your’bother’ look for action words, as these actions may indicate the particular manner in which the Wind of Justice is calling you to engage with the world. 

Some examples may be:

• ‘My Bother’: How my children compare to their peers
  A focus on comparing may indicate a desire for purity.
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: Whether or not I am fairly paid or justly treated
  A desire for fairness may indicate a drive towards greater justice. 
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: How I can maximize my wealth
  A desire for maximizing may indicate zeal and a drive towards innovation.
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: The next vacation I will take
  A focus on vacationing may indicate a desire for greater alignment and balance in the world. 
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: How my possessions (house, clothes, car) can elevate my status
  A desire for elevating may indicate a drive towards problem-solving and renovation.  
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: How I will feed and care for my family’s needs
  A focus on feeding and caring may indicate a desire for greater corporal works of mercy. 
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: The presence of evil
  A focus on evil may indicate a desire for greater goodness in the world. 
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: Words and actions of certain politicians, corporations and world leaders
  A focus on the words and actions of others may indicate a need for greater self-knowledge.
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: How I can preserve the foundation of my family, church or country
  A desire for preservation may indicate a desire to form and educate. 
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: Past injuries (world-wide events like COVID-19 or more personal hurts)
  A focus on past injuries may indicate a desire to bring forgiveness to the world.  
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: People not understanding their eternal inheritance
  A focus on greater understanding may indicate a desire for the revelation of the Holy Spirit.  
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: The wellbeing of my children/family
  A focus on wellbeing may indicate a desire for greater healing and counsel.   
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: Those who don’t consider my needs and desires
  A focus on consideration may indicate a desire for greater spiritual works of mercy.   
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: The emotional needs of others
  A focus on the emotional needs of others may indicate a desire for hope.  
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: How I can obtain  ____
  A focus on obtaining may indicate a need for generosity and thankfulness.
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: The lack of peace in my life, my community or the world
  A focus on a lack of peace may indicate a desire for harmony and unity.
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: The future (what if?...)
  A focus on the future may indicate a need for greater trust in the Holy Spirit.
  
  
  

• ‘My Bother’: Cultural and/or sexual expressions found in fashion, literature, arts and cinema
  A focus on cultural and/or sexual expressions may indicate a desire for beauty. 

____

How can I see this ‘bother’ from a new perspective, from the perspective of eternity?


Ask the Wind of Justice to speak eternal Truths to your heart. Write down any insights received. 

____

How can I prepare for feelings of apathy and false judgement when that which bothers me  overwhelms my internal and external senses?  

Naming and claiming the yearnings behind that which bothers you (the energy of your ‘bother’) can assist in living with a new perspective, that which is eternal. If your particular ‘energy’ or calling has not been revealed to you yet, sit in silence so the Wind of Justice can propel you towards the shores of greater self-knowledge and revelation.

____

Dear Reader, what difficult, yet liberating, work you have accomplished! Eraticating fears from our lives is the plight of the human condition and is never fully complete until we reach our eternal home; however, as we  grow in self-knowledge the shackles of fear can be more easily noticed so that we may cast them off before they bind us in chains of self-preservation and self-indulgence. As your story begins to unfold, the virtues shrouded under your core fears and the energy fueling your ‘bothers’ should be examined in light of your values and vocation. The entire work of excavating is revealing your unique personhood - an invaluable treasure made by God and for God.

Dear Excavator, 


May the process of eradicating fear, claiming truth and redirecting energy bring you peace and give new life to the child born in the Crucible of Creation many years ago. You were made for greatness and have been given a most extraordinary inheritance through the Father of Creation. The gentle Wind of Temperance presents to you The Gift of Choice so that the abundance of the Spirit may satisfy. The steady Wind of Justice presents to you the Gift of Perception so that you may live your life in alignment with the eternal. May these two winds strengthen you as you find firm footing upon your foundation, the one that brings clarity, surety and resolve. 

Yours Truly, 

Michelle